Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
