I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
