I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
