So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
