I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
