Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Randomize
