there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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