a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
So squirting runs in the family.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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