Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
