At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
