forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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