my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
