those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
