sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
