i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize