is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
They took my balls.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
