I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
