I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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