sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
