what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
