I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
