I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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