3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
