You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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