fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
