Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
