You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
