I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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