I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
