You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
