If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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