I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
