i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
