Heybabeimwearingurpanties
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
