Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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