He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
