I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
