When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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