dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I am naked and annoyed.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
