I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
