i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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