What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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