I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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