Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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