Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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