That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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