All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
