I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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