at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
