Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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