I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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