my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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